This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for one lucky lady. The chance to capture and enslave an unsuspecting simple man, break his resistance, lower his will to live and completely redesign his appearance whilst  simultaneously halving his wardrobe space and cluttering Bobland with ornaments and massive amounts of unnecessary creams and toiletries.

OK here's the deal:
I am thinking that I probably wouldn't mind having a girlfriend. Im afraid that that is as certain as I am capable of being on this subject. I welcome all application for the position but you probably should take note of this sites content before applying.

OK so I have your attention and your asking the obvious question. Why would you want the job, after all I must be single for a reason, right?

I can think of a hundred reasons why I'm single but almost all of these, with the possible exception of my grotesque physical appearance and morbid obesity are entirely my own preference. Life is a sales pitch and women are natures most natural capitalists. How else did J. Howard Marshall (89) get to marry Anna Nicole Smith (26) Now I'm not saying I'm a billionaire but your probably no Anna Nicole? So take a look at the package on offer and make your play before you get old and wrinkled cos I wont want you then.

WHAT YOU GET:

• Access to and use of Bobland
• My fantastic cooking
• My amusing company
• Sex (excellent references available)
• Access to the bank account and credit cards of a young professional who's earning potential is still on the rise. (that's me by the way!)
• A blank canvas. The new physically improved thin Bobster needs a new wardrobe
• I don't like to blow my own trumpet but I'm packing. Check me out  www.sizehimup.co.uk (Hand=XL)(Foot=XXL)(Nose=M)
  

WHAT YOU NEED:

This is a list of my requirements. It's not physical because I have quite unusual taste and find little imperfections really sexy, besides I am interested to find my true market value, but more the very minimum you would need to have to tolerate me.

• A like of football. I need to see football at least 3 times a week or I cry so you could either like football or go to aerobics.
  
• A love of Hip Hop.
  
• A love of The Simpsons. Homer is my role model.
  
• Sleep like a log. I talk and shout a lot of crazy shit in my sleep.
  
• A good sense of humour. I am incapable of being serious for more than a few seconds.
  
• A tolerence of indoor football and other indoor sport adaptations because me and my friends play a lot of sports in my living room
  

 

Applications to bigpun@blueyonder.co.uk