So you have just applied the COM* test to someone you know and they have scored alarmingly highly on the scale. Best thing you can do now is to use as many words as possible which incorporate the three letters COM whenever talking to them. It's like subliminal comedy because the funnier and more origional your COM words are the more oblivious the COM will be. You must also make up alternative meanings for the words to describe the behaviour of the COM. Here are some of the words we regulaly use when talking to Billy Dad. Send me yours and I will add them

 

compatible - baldy crazy old man

compare - two crazy old men

commendable - a hurt crazy old man

combat - cricket playing crazy old man

comfort - crazy old mans chair that only he is allowed to sit in

comfortable - when a crazy old man stops fidgeting in his fort

comic - a drunken crazy old man

comma - crazy old man's mum (probably a COW*)

commend - the things crazy old men do around the house

commission - crazy old man looking for hotdogs or going to the off license

commit - crazy old man's gloves

commodity - crazy old mans odd mannerisms. You can say this to all in the room who understand with absolute authority "Oh, that's a commodity!"

commodore - crazy old man farts

commonly - just one crazy old man

commonwealth - pay day for crazy old man or pocket money from a crazy old man

commotion - the way crazy old man shuffle first thing in the morning

communion - crazy old men in a pub, like the COM's from The Clubmoor

commute - crazy old man with nothing to say

compassion - what a crazy old man and woman have for each other

compile - stacks of bourbon biscuits crazy old men pile beside there cup of tea

complain - crazy old men are good at this

compress - a crazy old man ironing

comparable - crazy old man telling you what's morally right

compliant - when a crazy old man bends to pick something off the floor

compound - crazy old man's home

comrade - when we all gang up on Billy dad, erm… I mean on a crazy old man